Akatsuki Art Competition
by Yuna Yami Mouto
Summary: We all know that the Akatsuki members often fight over stupid things. This time, it's art. Konan thinks its her origami, Deidera his explosive clay figures and Sasori his puppets. Hidan likes his rituals and Kakuzu his money. Kisame and Zetsu want nothing of it and Tobi is ... Tobi. So what does Pein think is the best piece of art? hints of KisaIta if you squint
1. Chapter 1

**Akatsuki Art Competition**

 **Summary: We all know that the Akatsuki members often fight over stupid things. This time, it's art. Konan thinks its her origami, Deidera his explosive clay figures and Sasori his puppets. Hidan likes his rituals and Kakuzu his money. Kisame and Zetsu want nothing of it and Tobi is ... Tobi. So what does Pein think is the best piece of art?**

 **A/N: As the summary and title say, it's the crazies competing at art. Orochimaru is still with the Akatsuki and annoying our favorite genius. I hope you like it, as it went in a whole different direction than I had expected, and I would love to hear from you! Please review!**

There are many things that are simply taboo subjects in the organization known as Akatsuki: money, religion, the reason for joining, their former villages, family and, most importantly, _art_! That's right, you heard right. Art. If you think about it, you will see that it's logical for it to be forbidden for them to talk about it.

Art is a way of expressing yourself, your innermost feelings. It can take any form: paintings, sculptures, books and poems, movies and photography, music, acting, paper and so on and so forth. The point is, whatever you do can be considered art, even things like killing or annoying someone. It is a form of showing what you feel, so it's not the method that's important but the impression the end result has on the author and those who view it.

Now, apply all that you've read in this short paragraph to a group of psychotic, crazy mass murderers who just so _happen_ to have crazy ass ninja skills and just so _happen_ to have bad tempers and, most important of all, _just so happen_ to live under the same roof. Disaster, no? The way they would express themselves. It's a good thing they got enough missions to go on and kill stuff or there was sure to be a massive fallout that would be worth singing in bars and taverns for the rest of time as the biggest, baddest, bloodiest _disaster_ to take place on the face of the earth. And that would be considered a form of art, too, no doubt. People are just weird like that.

But let's get back on track, shall we?

The group we are talking about is, of course, the infamous organization, Akatsuki, currently lead by Uzumaki Nagato, better known as Pein. They are a group of missing ninjas from all sorts of villages who got sick of their homes and ran away or broke the rules and were _forced_ to leave, now working as mercenaries, paid to fulfill some missions feudal lords didn't want the Great Five Countries to know anything about. They had a buddy system, for the lack of a better name, always working in pairs and going everywhere with only their assigned partner. Once you join the Akatsuki, you can only leave it in death and that's not even leaving, it's ... well, you know, _dying_. Never the less, the members usually don't give a damn. They just want to kill things or a place to stay, with the few rare exceptions who are not going to be mentioned. They are loud, murderous, foul mouthed, short tempered, dangerous, armed and very, _very_ deadly.

You can see how an art debate could go _so wrong_ if it were ever brought up.

Well, let's see why!

We will start off with Sasori of the Red Sand. Sasori is a young looking redhead who comes from the Wind Country and he was once the best puppet master in the Village Hidden in the Sand, known more commonly as Suna, until he decided to leave and killed the Fourth Kazekage and made him into one of his puppets. Sasori liked to think of art as something that should be timeless, eternal. He considered his puppets to be the prime example for that, as they are puppets made from human corpses of the people he once killed. In fact, he had even turned _himself_ into a puppet at some point in time and, in a way, he became immortal. With this point of view on art, anything that is of fleeting interest does not qualify as art for someone like Sasori. Art must be eternal and withstanding of time, change and taste.

Now, his partner, Deidera, disagreed greatly. Deidera came from the Village Hidden in Rocks, in the Earth Country, and he is a loud, excitable blond who is obsessed with explosions. Deidera is a sculptris, making little or big clay sculptures from clay that he made himself and molded his chakra into. He was very good at it. Too bad none of his works survived long enough for them to be truly admired, as they were his explosives. Deidera believed art to be a thing of the moment; something that is special only in the here and now and that it doesn't matter if someone in the future - near or far - will get to enjoy a piece of art created _today_. Art is an explosion to him and it should be appreciated only in that one moment in which it, quite literally, blows up. As you can see, he gets into many heated arguments with Sasori over this. A few times, they were even ready to kill each other over it.

Orochimaru, one of the three Legendary Sannin and a former Konoha shinobi from the Fire Country, also disagrees. He, too, is obsessed with eternity, but more of an eternal life than anything else. He doesn't agree with Sasori that art must be _timeless and eternal_ as it would get boring after some time, but he disapproves of Deidera's view on it being worth only a second, too. The pale, raven haired, snake eyed, long tongued man believed that art should last, not eternally long, or explosively short, but more that it should be like music. Orochimaru is a _big_ fan of music. The notes sooth him and allow him to think straight for the many jutsus he's always making and learning. He knows how to play a few instruments himself and if you didn't want to die, you will never make fun of him by pointing out those are the instruments usually only geishas knew how to play. They never did find the body of the last member who dared say something like that. So Orochimaru considers music to be art, as it was, and that art should be treated as music: you enjoy it while it lasts while the impression it leaves on you lingers a bit longer before you find a new song and the process starts all over again. Sasori and Deidera, needless to say, didn't agree and those three were never allowed to be in the same room without supervision again.

Konan, the indigo haired beauty from the Village Hidden in the Rain, didn't agree with him, either, but she also didn't support the other two. She believed in the beauty paper, as only paper, can catch. She wasn't talking about drawings or paintings or photos, but paper as origami and the such. It wasn't so unusual, since she had developed all of her techniques to be based on controlling and manipulating paper. Origami and paper mache were her favorites since she was a little girl and they were one of the few things that brought her joy. She also loved how they could come in thousands of different colors and all the ways you could bend them to make new shapes. She, of course, loved white paper the best because she said it reminded her of the innocence she and her two friends were forced to let go off far too early in their little lives, so she wanted to reminiscent it with her paper. As paper was her favorite form of art, she liked to think of art as not something eternally beautiful - because something like that doesn't exist, no matter how much Orochimaru or Sasori disagreed - but it wasn't as fleeting as Orochimaru, and especially Deidera, represented it to be. To her, art was made once and made right or you have to start over again. It lasted for a couple of years, until, very much like paper, lost its beauty, until time made its beauty and colors fade.

Now, Kakuzu loved paper, too, but only the green one. Kakuzu was a shinobi from the Village Hidden by the Waterfall and the only thing he cared about was money. He didn't really respect art all that much other than how much it was worth. Sure, he loved how pretty the ryo bills look but he liked their worth and what they could afford him more. The same was with art pieces, no matter the form. He could acknowledge that they were beautiful pieces of work that a certain person had put lots and lots of time and effort into, but that simply doesn't mean anything. What he cares about is its worth in money. So for a man like Kakuzu, art was only as meaningful as its costly worth and that's how he judged it. To him, art was the system man created for the distribution and deciding worth of money, the power the green little pieces of paper had over everything. As long as something had some worth, it may as well be art, but Kakuzu simply wouldn't care. This attitude towards art got him quite a few frowns from the rest of his Akatsuke colleagues, as they appreciated some form of art for one reason or another. But they didn't say anything, as it was taboo to talk about art, and so they let it go and forced themselves to get used to his strangeness.

His partner, Hidan, was even stranger than even him. Hidan, the gray haired immortal ninja from the Hidden Village in the Hot-springs from the Water Country, was a weird one. He insisted on belonging to some strange religion that worshiped death and carnage in the name of a god called Jashin, despite always blaming everything weird he has to do on his religion as something that he must follow. To him, art is pain and suffering of others while the artist is the person who inflicts it. Art should be appreciated as long as the pain is felt and not a moment longer. And despite them all being murderers who relished in spilling the blood of others, even all the Akatsuki members were disgusted with how he viewed art. He was explicitly forbidden from _ever_ getting into an art debate with _anyone_ , _ever_ by their leader. That would have been a useless bloodbath.

Tobi, their newest and weirdest member of unknown origins or even appearance, was, in short, crazy. If there was a space in the dictionary next to the definition of crazy, Tobi's picture would be there with his name under it. Tobi didn't like art like art. He ... well, they doubted he even knew what art was, so they didn't even try with him. Tobi was easily excitable by anything and everything and he was just as easily bored by it all. His opinion of art wasn't relevant so it would be _pretty_ hard for him to get into an argument over it with some of the other Akatsuki members. That, however, doesn't exclude the fact that he was _annoying_. Annoying people was his art and Tobi was the damn best at it!

Now, there were those who had no specific view on art, such as Kisame or Zetsu. They both liked all sorts of art and neither one of them was willing to put labels on it or judge works of art. They liked or disliked specific things but they never made their own statements about what art should or shouldn't be. Although, Zetsu _does_ like black and white movies more than most would consider healthy ... oh well. They were all weird in their own ways. Kisame preferred to admire weapons more than almost anything else, since he liked admiring his partner the most. Now _that_ was what he called _art_ , not that he'd ever say that out loud. He wasn't suicidal. And their leader, Pein, he just considered world peace an ultimate art that should last for eternity and that all humanity should appreciate and he was the artist who will make that ultimate piece of art.

So, yeah, art was a taboo topic.

Which was why Pein was so ticked off at the moment.

He had come back from his calming walk he had taken to having every morning since their youngest member, Uchiha Itachi, had joined and suggested so he wouldn't be so stressed to the sight of a huge argument going on in the dinning room. When he had entered it, he found almost all of his Akatsuki followers standing around the breakfast laden table, shouting arguments over each other as if their lives depended on it. Even the usually quite but deadly types like Sasori and Kakuzu were shouting to be heard above the others. Hidan and Deidera were screaming at the top of their lungs, 'un's and curses that would make a sailor blush dominating the noise. Tobi was jumping around everyone, randomly adding comments that seemed to just fuel the fire, so to say, before covering behind Kisame - who was still seated, eating his breakfast and enjoying the show - when someone turned deadly gazes on him. Pein was surprised that even Konan was in the fight! She was currently gesticulating angrily as she argued at Orochimaru, but the Sannin turned down her arguments even before they were fully out of her mouth. Zetsu was standing to the side, his White and Black sides cheering occasionally or just ignoring whatever was being said.

Things were clearly out of control and Pein stepped in when Hidan lifted his three-bladed scythe before anyone could get killed. "What are you doing?" They froze upon hearing his voice and everyone turned to look at him. Pein noted the lack of a pair of black eyes of a certain fourteen year old and decided that everything he heard about him must be true, because Itachi was obviously smart enough not to fight over such trivial things.

"An, Leader," Kisame stood up so he could give a little bow and the others followed his example after they got over their shock. Pein nodded to them but waited for them to explain themselves with a raised eyebrow. "We were just having some breakfast-"

"Only breakfast? Not an argument?" He asked and the blue man looked away with a shrug. The reat actually looked a bit guilty or embarrassed at being caught, except Kakuzu, whose face was covered and eyes were emotionless. "What were you arguing about?"

"Oh, nothing special, Leader-dana, un." Deidera was quick to answer, waving away the awkwardness with a hand and trying to act casual as he subtly hid one of his clay figures in his pouch.

"Yeah, just the usual morning squibble," Hidan joined in, trying to not smile so awkwardly as he shifted his weapon away. It was a good thing that the scythe was connected to his arm or else it would be _very_ suspicions as to why he had it there and out.

"You know how things are, Pein-kun," Orochimaru added in his creepy voice and Konan smiled tightly. Man, was this awkward. They _never_ had to lie to Pein before and they kind of thought it impossible. But here they were, lying through their teeth to save their necks. At least they could agree on this much.

"Tobi thinks art is pretty!" And with that, their attempts were rendered futile as Tobi went on and on about art being pretty and sparkly and colorful and fun while the rest of the argument participants gaped at the masked man. Kisame and Zetsu shifted uncomfortably as Pein looked them all over, his purple eyes settling on Kisame. The shark man gulped. Had he done something wrong? He hadn't even said anything!

"Kisame, where is your partner?"

Kisame blinked. What did Itachi-san have anything to do with this? Many of the Akatsumi members stiffened at the mention of the Uchiha but said nothing. They were already in trouble and they didn't need to anger the orange haired man any more than they already have. "Itachi-san came back from his morning training half an hour ago, made a sandwich and went into the living room about forty five minutes ago."

Pein nodded and they frowned at his followers, as if saying 'There. That's how you should act. Why can't you be more like Itachi?' The Akatsuki members shifted uneasily at the patronizing gaze but kept their mouths shut. As much as they didn't like Itachi, they couldn't fault the raven for his lifestyle as a ninja. It didn't help their cases that Itachi was also always coolheaded. You just couldn't rail that teen up enough to get him into a fight. Unlike the rest of them. Even Sasori and Kakuzu liked to argue every once in a while. "Why were you fighting about art?"

"Well-"

"I have strictly forbidden discussions about tastes: beliefs, religion, art, food and movie preferences ..."

"We're sorry, Leader. It kind of just came up." Sasori said in a chastised voice, not at all liking how he was treated like a child.

"Then you should have let it rest." The spiky haired Rinnegan user said disapprovingly.

"We know, but one thing lead to another and before we knew it, ... "Konan shrugged, not knowing how to end the sentence without digging their graves deeper.

"So what did you fight about?" Everyone stayed silent but that was not the right answer this time. "Well? I need to know these kinds of things, as your leader."

The Akatsuki followers exchanged glances with each other before Kakuzu decided to speak up. "We were discussing which is the greatest art piece and the artist behind it."

"And let me guess, for you it is money," Pein said, looking at Kakuzu who didn't deny nor confirm but his silence was enough of an answer. He looked to Konan. "For you, it's paper and you see yourself as one of its greatest masters. For you," he looked to Hidan. "It's your bloody rituals and Jashin." Hidan nodded hesitantly, not wanting to anger the Rinnegan wielding man. Pein looked towards Sasori and then Deidera. "For you, it's puppets and yourself and for Deidera it's his clay figurines and himself, yes?" They nodded, despite knowing it wasn't really a question. He settled his purple eyes on Orochimaru last. "And for you, it's music and various musicians and compositors." The Sannin nodded despite it being a clear statement. Pein ignored Tobi, who was waving around and asking Pein to 'guess him', too. He just shook his head at them and wondered why he had to find only weirdos for his organization.

Then he got a brilliant idea. He walked out of the dinning room without saying anything, leaving stumped Akatsuki members behind him to stare after him before they just shrugged it off. Much to their confusion, a minute later, Pein reappeared and motioned for them to follow him. Fearing the consequences of ignoring the order, the group went after their Leader, not knowing what he was up to. They furrowed their brows when they approached the living room but Kisame grinned when he felt his partner's familiar chakra signature. Oh, he had a good idea of what Leader wanted to show them. After all, he had stared at _that_ particular piece of art _many_ times and he was never bored of it.

But the other Akatsuki haven't ever witnessed it and so their jaws dropped when they entered the living room quietly and saw the sight before them. The sun was peeking through the curtains shyly, also wanting to see the endearing and breathtaking sight of Uchiha Itachi fast asleep. The raven haired, fourteen year old genius was gorgeous when his guard was down, his tense body relaxed and the tight frown on his face replaced with a lax expression that only comes with sleep. Itachi was sprawled perfectly over the love seat with a grace befitting a cat, his pale hands under his head and pillow (no doubt that there was a kunai right there, ready for use should Itachi feel the need for it) and his grayish-black hair laid out behind him as his pony tail had gotten even looser, looking almost like a black halo. He was sleeping on his side, facing the door as the light from the drawn curtains sneaked in to bathe his body in sunlight, making it look like almost as if he were a precious painting being displayed in a gallery. His Akatsuki robe was off and thrown over the back of the love seat, making it look like the background of that painting was a black sky with red clouds, which would no doubt look _beautiful_ should Itachi's eyes open to be the blood red of the Sharingan. He was in the same clothes he always wore: faded black shirt and shinobi pants with bandages wrapped around his shins and his right thigh for the kunai holster. The three tomoe necklace (a gift from Kisame for their first completed mission) rested gently against his rising and falling chest as his pale skin seemed to glow in the lighting. Some of his bangs fell over his eyes, the black eyelashes - so strangely alluringly long for a boy - touching his high cheekbones. Over his head stood his trusty raven, watching them with almost unblinking red eyes, as if daring them to approach its master; a silent guardian to match his master's domain of red and black.

All in all, Itachi looked like an angel, stolen from heaven and bound to earth by humanly sins, sleeping in a world of ashes and blood.

And _damn_ , that was _not_ what the Akatsuki were used to seeing of the genius. Like this, he looked fragile and precious despite how strong he really was. It just awoke a few urges in the older men and woman; to protect, cherish and _possess_ this creature that seemed so otherworldly in this moment. The fact they knew he slept with a kunai just made him more _alluring_ in his danger.

They, except Kisame (who was used to it but still liked to watch) and Pein (who had had his own minute of adjusting to the sight before going back to the dinning room to get them after he saw Itachi. Besides, he had thought he would catch Itachi studying scrolls, which he loved watching; that concentrated look was so intense that nothing could capture it, no matter how good the artist may be or the technique he might use), could only gawk at the Uchiha while Kisame walked over to his partner, debating taking the young teenager to his own bed instead of letting Itachi get a cramp in his neck. The couches weren't all that comfortable to sleep on, after all.

Pein looked at his followers and gestured towards the sleeping teen. "I would say that _this_ defeats any possible art piece you have ever seen, so there is no need for debate." He turned and left as Kisame gathered his partner up in his arms easily, Itachi not even steering (which made the shark man quite happy to know Itachi was so used to him and that he trusted him to that extent) although his bird settled on Kisame's shoulder as the blue man adjusted his grip, picking up the hand that held onto a _katana!_ that had been under the pillow and placing it on top of the raven haired boy's body. How the Uchiha had hidden it, the rest of the Akatsuki could never guess but they knew that if there's even the chance of it happening, Itachi would be able to do it.

The astonished group stayed in the same place, staring at the love seat, for almost an hour after Kisame took Itachi away to let the boy get some real rest, until Orochimaru snapped out of it when the ray of light hit him in the face. His shuffling finally snapped everyone else out of their stupors and they blinked stupidly at the spot they had last seen Itachi. A moment of silence followed before Hidan broke it with his blunt question.

"Wait, if I understood Leader correctly, Itachi is the greatest piece of art, right?" The gray haired man asked, sounding somewhat confused.

"I'm unwilling to disagree. I know for sure that a lot of money could have come from a show or a photo like that." Kakuzu said blandly, having already gone over all the possible money such a business could bring. They would be filthy rich if they managed to get Leader to allow it. Now, how would he convince Itachi to participate, though?

"All you think about is money, isn't it?" Deidera grumbled in order to avoid accidentally blurting out what he thought of the sight that had been presented to them. He had already once thought of Itachi as _art_ when they first met and the Uchiha had beaten him so easily. He didn't allow himself to do so again, despite the thought running around in his head all the while.

"If Itachi is the greatest piece of art," Sasori said in a carefully bland voice, repressing the urge to try and kill Itachi so he could turn him into a puppet and forever preserve the beauty just presented to his perfectionist eyes. This was the first time he was willing to risk his life and sanity for a single puppet but Itachi would be _perfect_ as a puppet, as much as he was perfect alive, too. "Then who is the artist behind him?"

That shut everyone up, even Zetsu and Tobi, as they seemed to think about it, but it was Orochimaru who answered with a snort. "God."

And so ended the Akatsuki Art Competition, as Kisame dubbed it when he told the whole story to Itachi later that day. After that occasion, the subject of art was never brought up again. After all, how could human pieces compare to the work of god?

OWARI

 **R &R**


	2. Chapter 2

Hello. Sorry, I know some of you might have hoped this was another chapter of Akatsuki Art Competition, but I'm afraid I have to disappoint you. It's only a little message and a possible request. I would like to ask if there is anyone who would like to draw the Itachi scene from my story so I can maybe place it as my next story's image cover? You see, it's a sequal to this story, also a oneshot, about the consequences of the Aktsuki members seeing Itachi like that so I wondered if someone could draw it? I'd be really grateful! It doesn't matter when you alert me to your drawing, if you decide to indulge me, as I will gladly change whatever cover I place in the meantime because I am sort of planning on updating the story tomorrow or the day after that. You can use whatever style you wish and if there are more responses, I will make sure to mention them all despite them maybe not being chosen. I would really appreciate it if anyone responded to this request. I know it's no small request and I will understand.

As for my next story, it's called Akatsuki Admiration Race and it's going to be happening not too long after the Akatsuki members were awed with the sight Nagato showed them in this fic. There will still be hints of KisaIta, but they will be more pronounced here. I hope you will like it and I will hopefully hear from you all.

Well, that's all for now.

With best wishes to you all,

YYM

P.S. You can message me the link to the picture if you decide to indulge my request. And if you don't have an account, you can leave the address in a review to this story or the sequal when it comes out. Remember, if youdo decide to participate, no pressure! And thank you for even reading this note. Once again, bye!


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